The first step...to the rest of my life...

I'm a fat girl. No, I'm not being mean, I am medically "morbidly obese". I have always been heavy since puberty...and packed on pounds with a pregnancy and smoking cessation times two! I've been determined a number of times and made some significant progress (almost 50 pounds once). I would be a faithful calorie counter, exercise (as much as I could stand), and really stayed true. I was doing so well that at one point, I ate my favorite take out after months of "cleaner" eating and I was sick to my stomach. It truly made me pukey.

Well, all of this blabbing is taking you to the current. Something would happen, and we would start to eat out more...or even worse, expenses increased and had to cut the grocery budget. Healthy food is expensive. Hamburger Helper, not so much. BUT do you know what kind of crap is in that? Mostly salt and some sort of flavoring. I digress.

I once had a family member say to me "The corporate world thinks fat people are lazy. You should really consider bariatric surgery to be able to move forward in your career." I really wanted to punch this individual. Hard. I could do this. I could do this all by myself. I didn't need the cheater method. Surgery was cheating. If I just became disciplined enough, I could make it happen.I signed up for My Fitness Pal, recommended to me by a friend. WONDERFUL WEBSITE COMMUNITY! I LOVE that site. As I mentioned, I followed just a simple calorie restriction and did some exercising and in a six month period, I was eating better, feeling better, and 50 pounds lighter. People around me were noticing. The plant manager (which is the picture of fitness) of where I work commented on my progress one morning over coffee. It was nice that other people were noticing. It felt great. But apparently not great enough to keep going. I don't remember what happened, but I stopped logging, started working long hours, started eating takeout again. Just totally went off the success track...and thought "I'm just destined to always be fat, so why not do what I want to do and be happy."

Happy? Really? Almost 200 lbs overweight, how can one ever have a "happy life"? Do you know I love roller coasters? LOVE. Haven't been able to ride them since 17. Hips too big. I'm not a big out doorsy person, but I have no energy, no stamina, all I want to do is sleep. How in the hell did I ever think I was going to be truly happy doing that? Then came other issues....sleep apnea, high blood pressure, more medication, and the dreaded "insulin resistant". So I started on the path again. Lost about 30 pounds that time. I did the same thing. Calorie counting and exercise. Then the same thing happened...on a larger scale. There was some personal trauma in my life and I turned to food for comfort. I was only crying, eating, and sleeping. Things have been getting better, but money is still pretty tight, so it's cheaper to eat junk than to eat properly.  


On October 10th, I attended a seminar at a hospital. The topic: Bariatric Surgery. I attended for moral support for my boy friend. He was referred by his doctor and he really wanted moral support and my logical mind...to help analyze the options for him, like weighing the pros and cons, and thinking up crazy shit to ask. Well, something really hit me during this seminar. I had a strong urge to sign up. I mentioned it to the BF. I thought he was going to be upset, as we were really there for HIM. BUT he was supportive. And I signed up. So really, that was the first step...and yesterday was the big second step.

Yesterday, I went for my consultation with the surgeon. So it is official, I'm gonna cheat!

No, seriously, I have no idea why I had that in my mind...but cheating isn't the right term. TOOL...that's the term.

So, I'm going to start blogging about my journey, my feelings, thoughts, actions, successes, failures, and everything in between. Feel free to ask questions. Encouragement is always welcome.

~Cole~